Confrontation, Compassion and Forgiveness: A Triage for Transformation
James PragerOctober 3, 2010
The Plan for Sharing Today
Seemingly Unimportant Decisions7 Thinking ErrorsHow Recovery and Community change Thinking ErrorsA Busy and productive life today
Who I Am
Sex OffenderStatus in full compliance with regulations regarding Sex Offender RegistrationSocial WorkerMSW, Wash U.Employed at the Reentry Coalition of Northwest OhioMember of Reform Sex Offender Laws (RSOL)My story
Seemingly Unimportant Decisions
Seemingly unimportant decisions led to thinking errors- These can appear to be unimportant at the time but have consequences later.College storyDecision #1: Children are a stress relieverDecision #2: I’m entitled and not doing anything wrongNone of this addresses childhood issues but adult thinking and decision making
Cognitive distortions which are later used to justify bad behavior.Thinking errors developed in isolation rather than as part of dialogue and sharing with others. The isolation allows the distortions to grow and fester
I am providing affectionContact is not sexualIt’s only one childIf you want to have fun, you MUST go outside the familySense of entitlement
Thinking Errors (continued)
Suicidal thinking, avoidance of responsibility, and keeping the cycle goingIf people really knew me they would not like me (fear of abandonment) One of the 4 core beliefs of sex addicts first noted by Patrick Carnes
IT IS IMPORTANT TO DIAGNOSE THE PROBLEM
Evaluate mental health issuesEvaluate addiction issuesAssess family history and dynamicsDon’t overlook medical issuesAssess how these interrelate
White Pine Hospital As A Starting Point
The journey begins auspiciouslyRelationship with ex-wifeI’ll help you if you help yourselfVisiting conflictsRelationship with step-sonRelationship with friendsRealization of recovery optionsRelationships provide hope that I can change
Changing Thinking Errors Through Recovery
I am providing affection, contact is not sexualIt’s only one childIf you want to have fun, you must go outside the familySense of entitlementSuicidal thinking and avoidance of responsibility
Changing Thinking Errors Through Recovery (continued)
If people really knew me they would not like me (fear of abandonment) One of Patrick Carnes core beliefsContact with familyContact with friendsContact with colleaguesContact with victims of sexual abuse
The Community of Recovery
SAA and SLAA and SASexual Rehabilitation ProgramsProvision of feedback, support, and tough loveReducing isolation, building trust to overcome the sickness of our secrets
With the large number of people being released from prison on an annual basis, this is a critical need for both public safety and the individuals involvedAs someone released and with a professional degree, I am in a good position to help these individuals; especially those who are sex offenders.
Reform Sex Offender Laws
Goals are to create safer communities without use of the registryBuild coalitions with like-minded groups which includes defense attorneys and victims' rights groups who are more interested in safety and accountability than retribution
MIND OF A MOLESTER
I am writing my story of recovery to bring a different voice to the loud, fearful, and angry discussion of child sexual abuse.
TRAVEL TYME ?
The concept began in June 2008 when my partner and I celebrated 20 years of no molesting behavior on my part.During the boat ride, I accidently touched the woman seated on my left and my addict was hooked.Our discussionas a couple lead to wanting to find ways to help peopletravel safely.